


Christmas Morning

by Alys0



Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: All of Team Cockroach are in this, Eleanor is the only one who calls them billy and olly, F/M, For my lovely TG, Hugo Award nominee, also cheleanor babies: william and oliver, secret santa gift!, type of AU is unclear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-02 19:29:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17269700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alys0/pseuds/Alys0
Summary: Team Cockroach, along with Eleanor and Chidi’s two children, celebrate Christmas morning together.





	Christmas Morning

**Author's Note:**

  * For [arcadesintheneighbourhood](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arcadesintheneighbourhood/gifts).



> This is a secret santa gift for my bby GRACE, @thepigsgettingangry on tumblr. I'm pretty sure you know by now I got YOU but you know what I TRIED MY BEST OKAY! I hope you like it and I hope everyone else reading enjoys it too. Thank you!

They say it takes a village to raise a child. With shitty parents that seemed to be in and out whenever they pleased, Eleanor thinks that’s true. Her village was just one Arizona trash bag after another with even trashier businesses to shop at, all residing in America’s hot garbage can. She was plucked and groomed from the very start to be just like them, and it took a while and staring death in the face to achieve a better state of being. 

Her children (she still can’t believe she can say that now) have a village of their own. A weirdo group of extreme personalities, interests, and styles who all voluntarily hang out together. With their Auntie Tahani, a very tall, very rich Brit whose personality needs a chair of its own. Uncle Jason, a fun, fearless, doofus (said with nothing but love) who once broke Billy’s crib for trying to jump over it. Grandpa Michael, who panics when left alone with them and gets excited about calendars. And Janet… she still doesn’t know how to explain Janet. And their parents, her and Chidi, who have the ability to either raise the greatest humans in existence or damage them beyond repair. 

Bless her poor kiddos, may they fair alright.

Because baby Olly is still so little, and Chidi and Eleanor are still so exhausted, they agreed to have Christmas at their house this year, to make their lives a bit easier. It was Chidi who proposed the idea and Eleanor wanted to both cry in relief and thank him on her knees. Works in any way you imagine that.

The rest of them are coming at ten for a Christmas breakfast, but Eleanor and Chidi were already up and running at seven because of a certain four year old screaming throughout the house and tearing open the first present of the season. Eleanor’s gripping her coffee mug like it’s the center of her whole world while Billy, in his spiderman (yikes) onesie and his curls sticking up in all directions, balances his new doll (Eleanor refuses to call it an “action figure”) in his garbage truck toy and  _ whooshing _ it across the carpet. 

“Eleanor?” Chidi calls from the kitchen. Janet is coming a few minutes early to help make the breakfast (and steak for Michael, the weirdo loves the stuff), Chidi thought it would be nice to at least get everything set up before she gets here, which is any minute now. 

“Yeah babe?” Eleanor answers.

“Should Oliver eat the chicken and peas baby food or the peach and banana baby food? Because he likes the peach one better but we have an excess of the peas and maybe the fact that it’s Christmas should be taken into account a-“

“85 or 26?” Eleanor hears him stutter a bit before spitting out a somewhat confident “85.”

“The peach and banana one,” Eleanor confirms and she hears the clank of Chidi placing the jar on the counter. It’s a decision making system they came up with. When Eleanor and Chidi first became friends, she would get so impatient with his indecision that she would just choose for him. But they quickly realized that it wasn’t helping him in the long run and made him too dependent on her decisions. So she came up with the amazing, perfect, fantastic, totally psychologically sound system where they would give the variables in question a random number and Chidi would have to choose one of those number. It’s easier for Chidi to choose numbers because there is, for the most part, no factors to consider. He’s a lot better at making the decisions themselves now, but the number system still makes its appearance when they’re especially tired. 

“Speaking of Oliver, I’m gonna go check if he’s woken up,” Chidi says and she watches him disappear down the hallway. 

“Mama! Look what I can do,” Billy yells, banging his truck against the floor for her attention. She turns back to him with her eyebrows poised in attention. William flips his doll in the air and it ungracefully plops back into the trunk. He smiles widely and his eyes sparkle expectantly for her reaction. God, she really does have the cutest fucking child in the goddamn world. 

“That is _ so _ awesome, bud,” she says with the voice only reserved for her babies. “You wanna know what’s also super awesome? If you gave mama one of those one of a kind foot massages.” She wiggles her toes in his direction and, ever the cutiepie, drops his toys to attend to his mom. She lightly taps at his nose with her toe and it makes him giggle and slap her foot away. It becomes a game of him fighting off her wiley foot and Billy’s laugh makes her black heart shine a little (Chidi hates it when she jokes like that).

For so long she didn’t want kids. She thought they were sticky, loud, gross, and expensive. And… well they are, yes. But she loves her stinky, bratty babies. Their little shoes and huge smiles make her want to squeeze them until they pop, and sob for hours when William says “I love you, mama”. 

Thankfully, the doorbell cuts off her sappy moment, and not a moment later Janet and Jason enter the door with bags of presents and groceries. 

“Oh sure, yeah, that’s fine, just come in unannounced,” Eleanor deadpans and gets off the couch to help with their loads.

“We aren’t unannounced! We rang the doorbell to make you guys were aware that we’ve arrived,” Janet explains with her signature grin. 

“Ooh! Chocolate chips!” Eleanor groans at the weight of Jason dumping the presents into her already full arms as he runs straight to the bag of chocolate. 

“Do not eat them all Jason, they’re for the pancakes,” Eleanor warns. “And don’t spoil your breakfast, because then you won’t be hungry.” God, she a mom.

“I’ll get Jason away from the sweets and start on breakfast,” Janet begins. “I have the perfect recipe for an eggnog that has just the right amount of alcohol for a good buzz but not enough for real intoxication since there are children present.” Jason yells “Lame!” at the same time Eleanor breathes out a “Bless you, Janet.” 

“I’ll let you know if I need you, which, lets face it, I probably won’t.” Eleanor scoffed at that. “Actually, what I do need from you though is to keep William distracted and out of the kitchen. I’ve babysat for you plenty of times before, that kid is a wrecking ball.” 

“Fair. That’s fair, yeah I’ll keep him out of the way” Eleanor says and walks towards to living room just in time to see her little wrecking ball racing towards the kitchen. “Oh no, ya don’t.” She scoops him up into her arms to take him back to his mess of toys by the tree. Chidi is just returning from Olly’s room with him in his arms, whispering little sweet nothings to him. The baby is awake and punching at the air and it’s the sweetest thing she’s ever seen. And her husband is  _ super _ hot when he’s holding a baby. It just does things to her.

“I see he was awake,” she says to him. 

“Yeah, he was just laying there, all stinky and kicking,” he coos, never taking his eyes off his baby.

“Uncle Jason! Guess what!” Eleanor sees Billy run up to him and start pulling at his leg.

“Oh, what up little dude?”

“I’m a superhero!” 

“You’re a superhero?” Jason exclaims with genuine intrigued. Jason’s always been so good with him, his childlike spirit made him the perfect playmate. So much so that Eleanor and Chidi have to drag Billy away from him when Jason eventually gives them desperate, pleading eyes. “No way, what’s your superhero name?”

“Superboy!” Why didn't he just say Spiderman?

“Yeah?” At this point, Jason’s jumped from his place in the stool and sitting on the floor with him. “How many powers do you have?” 

“Way more than you,” Billy states matter of factly. Eleanor doesn’t even try to hold in her cackle. The things he says sometimes have them in stitches, she doesn’t know where he learns those things, she swears. Chidi tries to admonish him for not being very polite, but he can’t stifle his snort because, he has to admit that that was pretty funny.

“He gets that arrogance from you,” Chidi says to her. 

“Um, it’s called confidence and it’s a very honorable trait to have,” Eleanor jokes and gently pinches the Olly’s chubby cheeks, for now ignoring Jason and Billy’s possibly dangerous rough housing behind her. “Hi, buddy! How ya doing monkey?” 

The door doesn’t even ring this time, Michael and Tahani make a ruckus of bursting in and making their presence known. Tahani whistles her hello and smooths out her wool dress. Michael is dragging in a santa sack looking thing that Eleanor can only assume is filled with presents. 

“Hello everyone! Oh, I hope I’m not late. I got a call from Michael saying that he needed me to pick him up-”

“That piece of junk of a car broke down again.”

“-And I was still in the middle of wrapping the final gift before leaving, and I had to rush the process and now it looks like it was wrapped by the likes of your little one,” Tahani says and directs Michael to spill the contents around the Christmas tree. Chidi, who couldn’t not notice the plethora of red, green, and silver, made a noise of indignation.

“Tahani, we agreed on a thirty dollar price limit,” he says. 

“And may I reiterate that that was Chidi’s idea and not mine,” Eleanor quickly added. Olly reached his arms to her and she took him from Chidi. She sat back at her previous spot on the couch and cuddled him to her chest. 

“Chidi please, it’s the holidays. It’s the time to splurge and spoil our loved ones. Trust me, you guys are gonna love your gifts.” Chidi sighed but dropped the subject, he’s eager to see the excited look on his son’s face when he opens all the crazy expensive things Tahani no doubt bought him. 

“Oh my word, William! You’re looking bigger and bigger everyday,” Tahani says as she plants thousands of lipsticked kisses on the little boy’s cheeks. He pretends to be disgusted by it but he can’t hide that he’s absolutely preening at the attention. “Look at your curls, they’re an absolute mess. Come with me and I’ll get them perfectly shaped and bouncy.”

Oliver’s whines catch Eleanor’s attention and she can tell immediately that it’s his hungry whine; not to be confused with his “I just crapped my diaper and I’m really uncomfortable” whine and his “It’s been three minutes since I’ve gotten any attention and that upsets me” whine.

“Alright everyone! I’m pulling my tit out, so if you don’t wanna see, I suggest you look away now.”

* * *

 

Janet and Tahani finished making a huge breakfast feast of pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, fruits, juice, coffee, and one medium steak. They congregated in the living room around the tree to eat and simultaneously open up presents. Most of them were for Billy and Olly of course, Billy tore through all the presents like a tornado and Olly slapped at the boxes given to him. The most memorable for Eleanor being a cheesy ornament saying My First Christmas and just a buttload of toys that will definitely be broken by next week. Now that Olly’s asleep on Chidi’s shoulder and Billy’s playing in Michael’s lap, they can open the gifts they bought for each other. 

“Janet, this eggnog is delicious. You really outdid yourself this time,” Chidi says. 

“Yes I did, Chidi. I outdo myself every time,” Janet smiles. And Chidi is right, Eleanor has a pleasant buzz after two mugs she drank. With two small kids and… parental responsibilities or whatever, she’ll take whatever alcohol consumption she can get. 

“Okay Eleanor, Chidi, this gift is for you,” Tahani says and handed over a boxed present that is most definitely clothes of some kind. 

“We’re getting a joint present? Married life is so lame,” Eleanor smirks but accepts the gift nonetheless. Chidi chokes out an offended noise and playfully elbows her side. 

“I’m so glad that my forever companionship means so little to you.”

“Oh please, you and I both know I only married you for your really good-”

“AND there are kids around, Eleanor,” Chidi warned in that hot angry voice he does. But she ignores that, for now, to feel the hardness and a weight to the box she didn’t expect. At least it’s definitely not clothes. 

“Ooh, this is gonna be interesting,” she sing songs and Tahani’s eager face confirms her suspicions. She carefully opens the box, after removing the stuffing paper revealing a small picture frame. It’s displaying a yellowed paper with that really pretentious signature dead guy cursive. She tilts her head and studies it for a second before Chidi makes the most dramatic gasp that scares the ever living shit out of her. She practically jumped out of her skin and her nerves continue to tremble even after she realizes she is not in immediate danger. She’s about to smack him with the picture frame but his words stop her.

“Is that a page of Friedrich Nietzsche’s writings from his personal notebook?” Chidi practically squeals. 

“What? How do you know that?” Eleanor says. 

“It says ‘A page of Friedrich Nietzsche’s writings from his personal notebook’ engraved at the bottom.”

“Then why did you ask?” 

“How did you manage to get this?” Chidi asked. 

“Oh, it was no big deal. I know a few historians from some of the museums I curated years ago and pulled some strings,” Tahani explained with a triumphant hair toss. 

“This is incredible Tahani, nothing could ever top this,” Chidi says. Michael, Janet, and Jason all groan and throw their own gifts to Eleanor and Chidi over their shoulders.

“This is why we gave Tahani a thirty dollar price limit,” Michael laments. The presents do get opened though, and they’re all equally good and appreciated. It’s really fun and Eleanor’s came to love Christmas with her crazy and loveable friends. She’s so caught up in it that she doesn’t even realize how quiet her eldest son has gotten, which is very unusual for him. Billy shimmies off Michael’s lap and walks over to her, his face is screwed up slightly and he keeps his eyes on the floor.

“Mama, I feel funny,” he says softly. His tone so contrasts the room’s bright energy that she sits up straighter with concern and everyone quiets a bit to listen.

“Oh. What’s wrong baby, do you have a stomach ache,” she asks and feels his forehead and cheek with the back of her hand for fever. He does feel a bit warm but it doesn’t seem anything serious, so that’s ruled out.

“I’m sleepy,” he mumbles. Eleanor forces any nerves down that threatens to bubble up and holds out her arms for him. As much as she tries to be the composed parent most of the time, Chidi is surprisingly the calm one when it comes to illnesses.

“Well, sleep it out and you’ll feel better okay?” she says and he wordlessly climbs into her lap. He gets comfortable, his head rested on her chest. Seconds later he’s out like a light, almost immediately, which is also very odd.

“It usually takes him a while to fall asleep, he must not be feeling so great,” Eleanor comments, mostly to herself than to anyone else, but everyone hears anyway. Chidi runs his fingers into his hair to not only soothe him, but her as well. She knows he’s okay, he’ll feel better after a nap. And if not, then they can handle it, the same way they have before.

“Hm, must’ve been the eggnog,” Michael says with a shrug, casually twirling wrapping ribbon. 

And if it was silent before, you could hear your own blood rushing now. Michael looks up in confusion when he notices everyone looking at him.

“I’m sorry…  _ what? _ ” Chidi says.

“Did you… give my kid eggnog,” Eleanor slowly asks. Michael shifts in his seat and scratches at the back of his neck because their tone was not expected.

“Oh, I did something wrong here, didn’t I.”

“So that’s a yes!” Janet notices the tension growing a little here so she nudges Jason to take the children from their parent’s arms and put them to bed. Eleanor and Chidi stand to face Michael once their arms are free. “Dude, there’s alcohol in that!” Michael stands as well and motions them with his hands to pause for a second.

“Wait a minute, what’s the matter with it?”

“What’s the matter with it?” Chidi screeches. “You don’t give children alcohol, Michael! That’s like Human 101,” His voice starts becoming more high pitched as he speaks. Michael’s jaw drops and rubs his eyes.

“Well how was I supposed to know that! I don’t have children,” Michael flailed his arms.

“Oh Michael,” Tahani sighs. 

“What do you mean you didn’t know? There are signs of 21 being the drinking age of every bar we go to. Why do you think they always card me when I order a drink?” Eleanor angrily says.

“What? They never card you,” Michael says. Damn, right where it hurts. Eleanor licks her teeth then purses her lips.

“Yeah they do… I guess you just never see them do it… because you’re so old… and I’m so young… Anyway that’s not what we’re talking about, you had to have known!” Eleanor shouts while pointing a finger at him. 

“I didn’t!”

“Okay, okay, let me just understand. You just…  _ gave _ him eggnog?” Chidi asks.

“No, he was sitting on my lap and he just grabbed my cup for a few sips. It wasn’t a lot, it’s not that big a deal,” Michael says. Eleanor’s laugh is humorless from that, and she massages her temples in an attempt to calm herself down.

“How many sips did he have?” Chidi asks hesitantly.

“Just two… maybe four sips.”

“Four!?”

“I said  _ maybe _ four!” Chidi clutches at his stomach and groans.

“What do we do? Do we take him to the hospital?” Tahani suggests. Eleanor nods eagerly at the suggestion and points at her in solidarity, because yes, thinking about what to do next is probably the most logical step.

“Hospital? No, no, no, not the hospital, that’ll just scare him,” Chidi says. “He has to be fine, right? How much harm does a few sips do?”

“Exactly, Donkey Doug used to give me a few sips of his beer all the time, and look at me, I’m perfectly fine.” Oh dear. Chidi raises his eyebrows for a bit to process what was just said and then claps his hands.

“Yeah, hospital it is. We’re going to the hospital,” Chidi says, but Janet stops him from sprinting to the hospital without the kid in question by walking in from the nursery.

“That won’t be necessary, Chidi. The alcohol level was fairly low and he did not have a lethal consumption of it. When he wakes up, be sure to give him plenty of water and toast. If, by any chance, he has a headache, just give him a sugar free, dye free, Children’s Advil Suspension,” Janet tells them.

“We don’t have sugar free, dye free, Children’s Advil Suspension,” Eleanor says.

“Don’t worry, Jason and I will run to the store and get you some. You two, just relax. Tahani will keep you company and Michael will clean up after breakfast,” Janet smiles kindly to ease their nerves.

“But-” Michael is interrupted by Janet’s warning glare and he sighs in defeat. “Fine.” Janet takes Jason by the hand and pulls him out the front door. Eleanor takes a deep breath and she pulls Chidi to the couch with her to finish calming the mini heart attack so almost had five minutes ago.

“It’s the least I can do, I guess,” Michael mutters and then more clearly says: “I truly am sorry you guys. If I knew that it could potentially put him in danger, I never would have given him any.” He says this with so much sincerity that Eleanor can’t be angry with him. She gets it, dealing with children is hard enough when you’re a human yourself. William’s fine and Michael loves him and them too much to do anything on purpose. 

“It’s alright bud, thank you for apologizing.” Michael sighs, shyly smiles, and heads towards the kitchen.

“I know that look, Chidi. You mustn’t blame yourself,” Tahani says and squeezes his knee for comfort. “You two are wonderful parents and they are so lucky to have you.” Eleanor takes his hand also and squeezes it too. She wishes she could give him those speeches more when they mess up, but she’s can get doubtful herself. But she’s glad her friends are always there to slap them back on track, either toughly or softly. 

“Thank you, Tahani.” Chidi replies and puts his hand on top on her’s.

“And they’re incredibly loved too. Not only by you, but by us as well! They’ll understand that one day… that being if we haven’t accidentally killed them first,” Tahani titters and laughs at her joke.

“I know you’re kidding, but that made me want to strangle you,” Eleanor spits through her smiling teeth. Chidi immediately hugs her close and rubs her arms up and down.

“Easy there, babe,” Chidi whispers into her hair. Her kids’ village may be a mess, but they’ll be fine. They’re fully and irrevocably loved, and everything else that comes with that will just make their lives that much more interesting.


End file.
